I remember the moment I left the business that I had poured every ounce of me into for the past 15 years. The moment I handed over “my baby” to the new owner and turned away from everything I had work so hard for. The emotions were of course a mixture of sadness but mainly I felt a rush of freedom.
Let me tell you why...
A real sense that something new was beginning. Something that I couldn’t quite feel or see right at that moment but it felt closer, like a thickening in the air.
When I explained to my parents that it was time to sell the incredibly successful business that we had all worked so hard for, their response was “Are you sure??? But what are you going to do?” And in typical me fashion I could only answer the first part of that question. I had no idea what I was going to do next, no plans, no real idea of how this was all going to look, but I was absolutely sure about it.
My partner and I had talked about travelling well over a decade so it was no surprise that we would travel but to sell a business, sell almost all of your belongings and move into a Campervan full time…were we crazy?
Yes!! We absolutely were!
And even now after nearly a full year since selling the business I still think we are crazy but the thing is about being crazy is that as long as you feel like it’s the right type of crazy for you. That’s all that matters.
It all began during the pandemic (like it did for many of us). This time was a blessing and a curse. Running a small independent business during one of the most stressful economical times of my professional lifetime was no easy thing and in order to get through it with some sort of a level head I needed to really dig deep (as we all did).
So...
I decided to go to work on myself. The deep inner workings of myself, who am I? And do I want to be that person? What do I want out of life? And do I believe I am worthy of it? Like many of us life took me on a path that seemed like I had everything I could have ever wanted until I realised that what I wanted was not something that could be from a place of seeming. I began discovering what I truly valued, the roots of what was really important to me and among many Freedom was ringing loudly in my head. At the time it felt like it was the freedom to travel and to not be in one place. Now freedom means so much more to me.
Freedom is about being free to say what you choose to say, to show up in your relationships the way you choose to, to be free to have expanding thoughts, to be free to truly and unapologetically me myself. To free myself from all expectations and pressures, free to be Me!
This became my mantra in my head for the months when I was selling the business. I created a playlist that I had on repeat with songs that anchored me to that value of being free. I dug deeper and deeper than I even knew I could go. It wasn't easy, I had to sit in this deep deep trust in myself that this was the right decision for me, that taking this risk would pay off. I kept all my focus on that value. I ensured my energy remained strong even when it was tested. My days were consumed and driven by wanting the freedom. I would wake up at 5am everyday to sit with my practices that were a necessity then. To open my energy, my vibration and my heart to the feeling of being free. I would sit in meditation and allow all my senses to connect to that freedom I could literally taste it in my mouth as I called upon the divine wisdom to guide me to support me. I would then go about my normal working day with more vigour than usual as I fully trusted and believed that freedom was going to arrive in the physical reality. Some days I would cry whenever I was alone (or with my partner) as it felt so out of reach, it felt like a huge challenge. For 6 months I cancelled social plans and holidays, I cancelled teaching yoga or sound healing (I had been offering these for a while alongside). so that I could focus all my energy on making this change, so the universe didn't get confused with what I was calling in. I sat in trust that if I was feeling this strongly about it I was my calling.
My calling to what? I couldn’t tell you.
I just trusted the universe. I trusted that it was time to move on, to open myself up to a new way of being and to allow this shift. And jeez was it a big shift.
Some days I felt I was being thrown into the wind with the amount of obstacles that were thrown my way. Too many for one human to handle. But that’s the thing about asking the divine for help, oh it’s there. Always listening and ready to co create with you (in fact it always is but that’s for another discussion). and when it begins it can feel harsh, heavy, like being in a boxing ring. You asked so you will receive and the more you trust the harsher it can be and the quicker it will respond. By the time the ride was over I felt like shrivelled up crescent moon with just a sliver of who I once was left and and whole lot of new self to discover.
So the past year has been all about the discovery.
Settling the nervous system, and I’m not going to lie having a jolly good time. Matt and I have travelled extensively in our Campervan, turning the morning alarm off, having limited plans, taking the pressure of having to be anywhere and looking after our health as a main priority.
I have been so blessed that my journey as brought me to a place where we can safely connect with Plant Medicines. Being free to have expanding thoughts, to dive into parts of yourself you never knew exists and heal the traumas within that been ignored for so long. Plants are the allies to this work, their energies can and will hold you in love for you to truly uncover the depths of your being, your soul and your purpose in this life. I could write a book expressing all the parts of myself I have rediscovered and explored when working with these medicines. I am forever grateful for the help of Ayahusaca, Huchauma, Mapacho, Bobinsana, Rose, Blue Lotus and Guayusa.
Society teaches us to sacrifice ourselves and our relationships to just “get by”. I wanted the freedom to choose what was right for me. What was best for my health and my relationship. I wanted the freedom to honour my wellbeing my body, all of my bodies, my emotions, my spirit. It’s taken my a long time to get to this place and I am still learning this honouring and listening.
I have rediscovered my passion my true calling.
I was in the beauty and wellness industry since the age of 16 and the journey through that time evolved and changed but with one consistent dedication (that I have finally noticed in myself). I bloody care about people. Sometimes I care more than they do which I am learning to stay grounded in. But, I’m passionate about clients, friends, family feeling liberated and free in their bodies, feeling free to show up as themselves without caring what people think, without the pressures of society. I care about the connection people have with their bodies, how when they don’t listen to them or even ignore or punish their bodies how lost they become. I care about people embracing and loving their human experience, enjoying their human physical body with all the emotional stuff and comes along with that and when aligned they are free to be themselves, from all the patterns and programmes and just listen to who they truly are on a soul level.
I have been working for over 20 years to find myself here where I can confidently hold space for others to reconnect, honour and find freedom within themselves. I don’t admit to be an expert on anything really, I believe their is value in many many modalities so that’s why I have create The Sacred Body Coach that is a intuitive movement and embodiment space that uses skills and tools from numerous aspects of healing to allow you to come back to YOUR FREE SELF! I am on this journey for a lifetime, I know that much. And I will make the same promise to you all as I have made to myself. I won’t quit. I won’t give up on working on myself, I’m not going to stop trying to connect deeper and more intimately with myself. I will anchor myself in freedom for me as closely as I can. And I will hold space for that, whether with movement, sound healing, plant medicines, energy healing or inner child coaching.
That’s where I’m at.
My question to you…is where are you at? And is it in freedom?